By Meyer Shwarzstein, September 13, 2025 | Elul 20 578
L’kavod Nishmat/In honor of Alex Shwarzstein
Coincidences strike me as a quotidian revelation of miracles – and this one is no different.
Months ago, when Larry and Diane asked me if I would be willing to deliver a Dvar Torah here – I was honored to be asked. At the time, I didn’t realize that the parsha was Ki Tavo, my daughter Alex’s Bat Mitzvah parsha, and that Alex wouldn’t be alive to hear it.
I’m delivering this Dvar Torah in her honor.
This parsha includes many of the laws, included in Seder Zeraim – the order of plants – which I’ve been studying for a couple of years with my chavruto. I believe these understudied laws provide the basis for a healthy society. Here’s just a quick overview:
The land has 7-year-cycles – it can be planted and harvested for 6 years and on the 7th year, the land rests. G-d rested on the 7th day of creation; we rest on the 7th day of the week and the land rests in the 7th year.
Each year of the 6 years, a portion of the harvest is given to the Kohanim, often translated as priests and a portion is given to the Levites.
I see the Cohanim and the Levites as civil servants. The Kohanim were mandated to work in certain jobs, largely in the temple, and the Levites were mandated to work as musicians, teachers and manage the sanctuary cities. Because the Kohanim and Levites were given no share in the land, they depended on tithes for a living.
During these 6 years, various portions of the harvest were left for the local poor, widows, orphans and strangers – Jewish or non-Jewish. In our parsha (Chapter 26, Verse 12), there’s a reference to an additional share was given to the poor, widows, orphans and strangers each 3rd and 6th year. It says they were eaten within the farmer’s gates, and they were satisfied. The farmers met neighbors face to face that they may have not met under other circumstances. This approach to funding the safety net puts the responsibility directly into the hands of those who pay into it.
In years 1,2,4 and 5 there were tithes brought to Jerusalem to be eaten there. That’s a curious one. The Sefer HaChinuch suggests that these trips to the capital allowed the farmer’s kids to mix with kids who were in school – so they’d get better educated. After all, the trips to Jerusalem helped build the capital into a city of commerce, trade and ideas. I wonder if the city kids also learned a lot from the farmer’s kids. Perhaps they had a different view of faith, given how dependent they are on the elements to grow food.
I argue that part of what contributes to a healthy society is having all regions in the commonwealth sync up to each other so there are no outliers.
Alex was always a giver, and she became a non-profit professional. She volunteered in New Orleans after Hurricane Katrina, in NY with Superstorm Sandy, with the Navajo nation, in El Salvador. A friend of mine calls her a one-woman FEMA. Wouldn’t you think that her Dvar Torah would have focused on these humanitarian aspects – feeding the poor, supporting those who work on the community’s behalf, etc.?
She did mention the first of the harvest laws mentioned in the parsha – the Bikkurim, first fruits.
I’m going to quote Alex’s Dvar Torah frequently from here on.
She said, “the bringing of the first fruits to the Beit-HaMikdash was important because it was like giving G-d His share of the harvest. I say G-d’s share because nothing can be grown without G-d’s help. Growing things is like having a partnership with G-d. Sometimes people think because they put a lot of sweat and hard work into their crops, they did it all themselves. But, even though you water, fertilize and nurture a plant until it bears fruit, none of that would do any good if it weren’t for G-d.”
Whose food is it anyway? What about our personal wealth? Does it come solely as a result of our hard work, or are we benefitting from opportunities provided to us?
Alex mentioned another mitzvah mentioned in the parsha. “The Children of Israel accepting the Torah once more before entering the Holy Land was important because the generation entering Yisrael was not the one that had been at Mt. Sinai.”
Before moving from the desert to the land, the community recommitted to common values. Making outsiders feel welcome and building community was central to Alex’s life.
She continued, “Although the last two topics are interesting, the one I like best is the blessings and curses.”
The Tochecha. It’s the only part of the Torah that’s read almost silently because it’s so harrowing. Is that what you would’ve picked to talk about a 12 years old?
“What I found interesting was that although there is at least one curse for every blessing, the same is not true vice versa. There are more curses because they’re more specific than the blessings.”
The Ramban mentions in various places that the blessings and curses can occur naturally, but he saw them as supernatural events intended to serve as rewards and punishment.
Alex asked, “if G-d really meant this stuff in the blessings and curses, how come only a little bit of it really happened? Goodness knows, plenty of Jews have done lots of things you’re supposed to be rewarded or punished for. After I thought about it for a while, I came to the conclusion that G-d gives us feelings of happiness or remorse as rewards or punishment.”
She continued, “The mitzvot are worthwhile, even if there were no rewards or punishments. Some people though, take the Torah literally. What they see is that if you’re good, you’re rewarded; if you’re bad, you’re punished. But why isn’t it all that simple? We should do mitzvot because G-d wants us to.”
She quoted Pirke Avot, the Ethics of our Fathers, “Do not be like servants who serve their master expecting to receive a reward; be rather like servants who serve their master unconditionally, with no thought of reward.”
“Another reason to do mitzvot anyways is that most of the mitzvot have good morals…” “The others, such as keeping Shabbat and no idolatry put restrictions on us. A world without limits would be intolerable! If you could do anything you liked, the world would be full of greedy, violent people willing to give their life for something they wanted if they were used to getting it.
Here’s where you hear the voice of a 12-year-old. “If we always got what we wanted, nothing would be rare and therefore there would be no treats!”
“With Shabbat, it’s not only more restrictions, but time for the family to be together after a long week of doing separate activities. It brings families closer together, showing them the love, they might have overlooked. Also, some things like idol worship are bad things to practice for anyone. Since you or your fellow made the idol and you worship it, that is very close to worshipping yourself or your fellow.”
“You see, the mitzvot are human values.”
Here’s her conclusion; “As for learning human values and responsibilities, many people today do a lot of things without thinking about others. For instance, someone might get all worked up about their job. They only think and talk about it, day and night. If this person stopped and thought about it, they could keep their family from feeling neglected and unimportant by setting aside special “family time.” A family needs their time together to stay close. Otherwise, all sorts of problems could occur. These are human values. A person’s family is their responsibility. All this I have talked about today is an important factor in leading a good life, and I hope you all take it very seriously. This could lead to blessings. If you don’t it could lead to curses, making small, gradual dents in people’s lives.”
Even if I could discuss this with Alex, it’d be a bit much to ask her what she was thinking when she was 12. But I think she got her priorities right – a society that can provide the support outlined by the laws I mentioned earlier can only succeed if it is built upon a bedrock of trust and personal relationships.
If you are in a relationship with those around you, you’re more likely to take responsibility for your actions because you see how it affects those for whom you care. Those principles, bound with a mortar of faith, made the whole even stronger – because faith allows for humility and hope.
Early in life, Alex had many struggles – punctuality, making friends, having her voice heard. Yet, she grew into someone accomplished, effective, deeply connected, and much admired. All this through focus and hard work.
For those of us in her family, each day is difficult. I thank you, our community, for stepping up and helping sustain us, and I know we will stand on our feet again.
What I didn’t realize is that I would rely on Alex to get there.
There are something things that are irreplaceable. She had such moral clarity – I have trouble dissecting our contemporary word salad –– Zionism, antisemitism, patriotism, fascism, progressivism, Judaism, intersectionality, woke, Palestine, Holocaust, Republican, patriarchy…she helped me see each of these each with clarity.
Now I’m going to have to figure it out on my own.
There are many things I have learned from her. For one, the value of moments. Alex welcomed me into every corner of her life. She accepted it as normal for me to be in her classroom weekly doing science experiments or singing songs with her class. When she was in college, I went to Hillel with her, I met some of the people in student government, I stayed in almost every apartment she lived in in NY. I went to virtually every shul she visited there. I met her coworkers at most of her jobs, and I played games with her friends at a bar called the Nuthouse. She even liked to travel with me.
I feel as though her friends are now part of my family. What a blessing.
As for family, it was always a top priority. Ever since COVID, we kept our Zoom on so Alex’s Bay Area living room was always attached to our house. There are millions of moments that are too long to list.
Though she had chemo 3 times in her life, radiation, surgery, and more, she kept Kosher throughout and uttered the Shema in her last moments.
My faith has been challenged during this time, but if she could keep it, I should try to. Maybe I’m supposed to emulate the Children of Israel who are about to come into their land –all forced to recommit.
Maybe I need to look more closely on how I can act in partnership with G-d, sharing some of my harvest and a part of myself – not because of the consequences, but because it’s the right thing to do.
While I feel cursed in my loss, I am grateful for the blessing – I got to spend 40 years with Alex – years she described as wonderful. I hear new stories about things Alex did for people almost daily. When I see the impact she’s had on others, I’m in awe.
I’m so grateful to my wife Susan, my daughter Michelle and her husband Jonah. We’re supporting each other during this time and we’re as close as ever. Oh, and the grandchildren are helpful too!
Somehow, we will have to find a way to fill the vacuum – emotional and purposeful – that my incredible daughter, teacher and friend left in our world. I guess we’ll just have to do it one moment at a time.
L’shana tovah – here’s to a good, purposeful, loving year.