Simchat Torah

Dan:

This is Dan Rathernot reporting for Eyewitless News.

It seems like only yesterday when things were all tohu vavohu. In the span of less than a week, all that has changed.

I’m standing here with Carl Dodi who witnessed it all. Mr. Dodi, what exactly did you see?

Carl:

Well, I was just minding my business, ya know, having a brewski on my porch, likes I do on Sundays, when, out of nowhere I see this bright light appear.

Well, I think it was light, because I’d never, ya know, seen light before. But from everything I’d heard about light, that’s how I imagined it.

Dan:

And then what happened?

Carl:

Well, then the light started separating from the dark. Like, ya know, how the missus does on laundry day.

Dan:

Separating the lights from the dark?

Carl:

Yeah, like that. And then I guess I nodded off, because when I woke it was already the next morning, I guess that would be Monday, and the water that is usually everywhere, started separating, part into the sky and part here on the ground.

Dan:

Weird.

Carl:

That’s not the weirdest part. It stayed that way until the next day, and then the water on the ground started separating.

Dan:

Into hydrogen and oxygen?

Carl:

What? No, into dry land and billies.

Dan:

Huh, what are billies?

Carl:

Well, that’s what I call the large collections of water. Since we’ve never had them before, I had to come up with names. So I named the really big ones after my favorite singer, Billy Ocean. I call them Billies. And the smaller ones I call Rickies, after my favorite actress….

Dan:

Ricki Lake. Got it. Ever think of using last names?

Carl:

That’s exactly what the missus sez. So I named those thin strips of water that connect the Billies and the Rickies after my favorite actor, River Phoenix, and called them Phoenixes.

Dan:

Brilliant. Then what?

Carl:

Well, then the weirdest thing happened. Things started sprouting out from the dry land.

Dan:

The next day?

Carl:

No! The same day! All these things happened on Tuesday! I remember specifically because I was eating a taco.

Dan:

Anything else?

Carl:

Yeah, chips and salsa.

Dan:

No, I mean, did anything else happen?

Carl:

Not that day. But the next day, I guess that would be Wednesday, the light that was in the sky started separating into one big ball of fire, really bright-like, and then another circle about the same size but not nearly as bright and then a bunch of twinkling dots. It was really quite beautiful.

Dan:

And what did you do?

Carl:

I bought me some dark glasses and some tanning lotion.

Dan:

Obviously. So that was Wednesday. What happened on Thursday?

Carl:

The craziest thing. Out of all the billies and rickies and phoenixes, these swimming creatures started appearing. And from the sky, these flying creatures started appearing.

Dan:

Fascinating. And what were you thinking?

Carl:

Well, my first reaction was that the swimming creatures I could eat on my milchig dishes, but the flying things I should probably only eat on my fleishig dishes.

Dan:

Smart. So that was yesterday. Did anything happen today?

Carl:

Are you kidding?? It seems like new creatures are being created every minute. First, just bugs and lizards, then the beasts and cattle. I even heard reports from Springfield that they’re creating the dogs! They’re creating the cats!

Dan:

So, is that it? Is this wild week of creation done?

Carl:

You would think so, but no. Just when I figure that all this creation stuff over, out pops this new creation. It walks on two legs, uses tools, and never asks for directions.

Dan:

Have you given it a name?

Carl:

Not yet. But it talks a lot, kind of reminds me of my rabbi, maybe I’ll named it after him.

Dan:

What’s your rabbi’s name?

Carl:

Adam Kligfeld. That’s it, I’ll name him Kligfeld.

Dan:

Sure, why not? So, what are your plans now?

Carl:

Are you kidding me? I need a break. I think I’m just going to eat some cholent and take a nap.

Dan:

Back to you in the studio…